Internal Family Systems Therapy
Internal Family Systems is a collaborative, non-pathologizing, evidenced-based approach that offers an empowering view of our internal worlds to create lasting emotional change. Over the past several years I have studied and practiced IFS both personally and professionally. I have felt and seen the profound healing qualities it offers and feel honored to share it with those I work with.
As humans we are hardwired to carry many thoughts and feelings that make up our unique personalities. From birth these aspects of ourselves become impacted by the world around us. Personal experiences, family dynamics, trauma, relationships, biology, family lineage, cultures (to name a few) are influences that shape how we see and react to our inner and outer worlds. In IFS you learn how to relate to these different aspects of your personality (otherwise known as "parts") to gain insight, deepen awareness and heal places inside yourself where initial wounding occurred.
What are "parts"?
Parts are aspects of our personalities that have learned to navigate life in various ways. You are familiar with these, and probably speak about different parts of yourself without even realizing it. In IFS parts are categorized into two main groups: protectors and exiles.
Protectors
Protectors are parts of ourselves that work to shield us from getting hurt or feeling pain from the past. Based on life experiences, these parts can sometimes become extreme in the way they protect, unintentionally creating more conflicts in life and leading to more hardships. To better understand protectors, they are grouped into two categories: managers and firefighters.
Managers
Managers are the parts of us that work hard every day to keep emotional pain from bubbling up — and to prevent new pain from happening. They’re often the planners, organizers, caregivers, and problem-solvers of our inner world. These parts help us function, stay safe, and navigate daily life.
Many manager parts are wonderful resources: they can be strategic, rational, responsible, nurturing, and attentive. Common examples include the Planner, the Inner Critic, the Judger, the Caregiver, the Nurturer, the Learner, the Teacher, the Achiever, the Performer, the Worrier, or the “good boy/good girl” parts.
Managers play an essential role in helping us manage our lives and keep things running smoothly. Through IFS, we learn to recognize and appreciate their efforts while also gently exploring what emotional pain they may be working so hard to protect us from. As we build a more trusting relationship with our manager parts, they often relax, allowing more space for Self to lead with clarity, compassion, and balance.
Firefighters
Firefighters are the parts of us that spring into action when emotional pain shows up. Their job is to put out the fire as quickly as possible, often through intense or distracting behaviors. You can think of them as an internal emergency response team — fast, determined, and focused on stopping the pain right away.
These parts can sometimes be impulsive, reactive, fierce, or non-rational. While their actions can be extreme or even destructive, their underlying intention is to protect us from feeling emotional pain. Common firefighter strategies might include turning to substances, explosive anger, fighting, gambling, self-harm, obsessive behaviors, eating disorders, or even suicidal thoughts.
IFS offers a compassionate way to get to know these firefighter parts without judgment. Instead of fighting against them, we learn to understand what they’re trying to protect us from. Over time, this allows us to tend to the pain underneath and build a more trusting, mindful relationship with all of our inner protectors.
As this relationship grows, you may find that you’re less overwhelmed by their intensity. You’ll have more space to respond to both your inner world and your life with greater clarity, courage, and compassion.
Exiles
Exiles are the most tender and vulnerable parts of us. They often carry deep emotional pain — feelings like fear, sadness, shame, loneliness, or despair — that may have felt too overwhelming to fully face when they first arose. These parts usually hold experiences from childhood or times of trauma, and because their pain can be so intense, they’re often pushed out of our everyday awareness and stored in the deeper, unconscious areas of the mind.
Our protective parts work hard to keep Exiles tucked away, helping us function day to day without being flooded by their feelings. But when Exiles do come to the surface, their emotional intensity can feel overwhelming, sometimes bringing up waves of pain, fear, or vulnerability.
IFS offers a compassionate way to gently reconnect with these Exiled parts — not to be overwhelmed by them, but to approach them from the calm, steady presence of Self. Over time, these parts can be witnessed, cared for, and unburdened, allowing their natural vitality and innocence to return.
Self Energy
While each of us has many different parts, we are not defined solely by them. At the heart of who we are lies something deeper and more enduring — our truest Self. This Self is the compassionate, wise, and steady center of our being. It has the natural capacity to understand, heal, and integrate all the parts of our personality.
When our parts aren’t in extreme roles or taking over, we can access this core Self. In these moments, we often feel grounded, calm, clear, open, courageous, and deeply compassionate. From this state, we’re able to gently turn toward every part of ourselves, offering them relief from their burdens and helping them return to their natural, healthy roles.
Self has a spacious quality — it can hold all of our feelings, memories, and thoughts without being overwhelmed or damaged by them. I often liken it to the sky: even when storms pass through — whether ice, thunder, or hurricanes — the sky itself remains vast and unchanged. It holds the weather without losing its essence.
This same spaciousness exists within each of us. The IFS model offers a path to rediscover and live from this place more fully. When we’re in Self, we can make meaningful choices, nurture authentic connections, and take actions that bring healing, purpose, and fulfillment into our lives.
